In Search of Love

At a pre-wedding dinner party the girls talk about the wedding preparation, the dress, the venue, the reception, anything that is wedding related. On the far side of the table where the guys are seated, the conversation is the total opposite. Boys talk about everything else but the wedding. They try to not remind the groom that in a few days, he will no longer be a member of the single male species who roams about the wonderful forest girls.

I watch as the bride and groom interact throught dinner. The groom is my best friend, the bride is sometimes jealous of me still. I try to find traces of undying love and devotion among the two. I fail miserably. Which makes me wonder, why marry at all then?

In the era where divorces are plenty, and kids are used to broken homes and 2 pairs of parents why get married when you're not even sure if you love that person? Or even when you know that you don't love that person? There is no simple answer for this. One person said, "I was pregnant and I didn't want my child to born out of wedlock so I marry him..." The other said, "I can tolerate her. I'm comfortable, what more can you ask?" Another said, "He takes care of me. I know that I'll be set for life when I marry him..."

Funny that. I thought I'd hear a bit more about love and relationship and being together and ladidadida. It seems that marriages in the modern age are ones that are based on practical reasons. It is a form of economics; a validation of adulthood. It saddens me to see that the bride marry the groom because she thinks that it's the right thing to do, that even if he's not sure of his love for her... her love will be enough to carry them through. It saddens me that they enter this new stage in their love without really knowing each other. It saddens me that no matter how much more advanced we are, love doesn't always win.

The Rain and Rubber Time

This will not be the first time for me to speak about the Indonesian concept of rubber time. To be completely harsh, it's a total disregard of other people's time and such a selfish thing to do, but alas... Jakarta traffic can be a real bitch. Due to El Nino and other climate changes, the rainy season is starting quite late this year. The city has been bathed in heat and unbearable striking hot sun for longer than usual. Come Oct-Nov, the people of Jakarta has to deal with pouring rain that resulted in a bit of flooding and then heavy traffic jam.

I was meeting my family for lunch as today is my mother's birthday. My dad insisted on meeting at 12 and yet he rocked up 40 minutes late. My brother was close to an hour late. "Traffic" was the excuse they all used. Maybe it was not an excuse, maybe there was really traffic. And today it rains like cats and dogs. Rubber time!!! I hate rubber time!! ... but it's the rain... All of a sudden you have to understand.

My new job does not require me to be mobile. Today is an exception and I was really proud of myself for being able to schedule all my outside meetings in one day in perfect order. I did not factor in the rain though. As a result my second meeting was delayed by an hour (luckily, the other party was also late...) and now, I have to wait out 3 in 1. By the way, 3 in 1 is a car pooling system where you need to have 3 people in 1 car between 0700-1000 and 1630-1900 whilst traveling on certain main roads.

And once again I have to understand that once the rain pours in this city, it's act as an automatic switch to rubber time. How flexible time becomes would depend on how much rain pours. Sigh.

Shameless Self-Promotion

I BEG YOUR PRADA by Alexandra Dewi & Cynthia Agustina - at your nearest bookstores! Going on reprints...

Getaway

Last week I traveled again. My encounter with airports and planes this year is not complete yet. There are a few more trips to do after last weekend and although I sometimes complain about the never ending journeys (... where I always got people rolling their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief at how lucky I am), secretly I cherish every moment of it. Because until I'm done this year, my feet are still not on the ground. They're still fleeting between places and Jakarta stays as a concept of place rather than a place itself.

Being back in Jakarta can be quite bizarre, especially if it means a new job, a new vocation, a new lifestyle, a new opportunity -- many things new. That was why I took an offer from a friend to meet up in Bali gladly. Nothing like a chance to overdose on good company, great atmosphere and getting a tan whilst doing all of the above.

Last weekend was where nothing and everything happened. The sun, the water, the company and everything that was Bali soaked me wet and left me knackered. Tired. But satisfied. My soul was refreshed and as if it knew, work came in full blown today.

I guess I can take it...

How Do You Heal a Broken Heart

Break ups are crap with a capital C. There is never a good recipe to heal them, but often misery loves company. It always helps to have that extra pair of ears, and a hand to hold. Just until the wound stops bleeding and healing begins. Here's to moving on...

It was 5 years ago when he came into my life, took me like a roll of thunder, blasted all my insides as if there was no tomorrow. He was manly and charming. A man and a boy all in the one physique. A person of many talents, intelligence and blunt honesty. His words cut through you like a double sided blade. His humour a mixture of dark British irony and silly Rowan Atkinson slapstick. A man, who despite of his imperfection, was a perfect match for me.

I didn’t think I have ever fallen in love before I met him. I didn’t realize that I was in love until he left me. It must had been a combination of pure arrogance and pride that made me capable of holding my head up high and despite the tears in my eyes, pulled a forced smile and said, “Understanding is not a problem. People falls in love, people falls out of love. Accepting is another thing. Please leave…” He dared not look me in the eye. Guilt and shame was radiating from him. His head hung down low as he made his way out of my apartment. I didn’t know such pain exist until that moment. There were so many things that reminded me of him, of us, of our beautiful times together. There were just too many. I cried every day for a week. It was hard. Not only that I had to deal with my own pain, I also had to explain to my friends why I was not in the mood to go out, why he was not around, why I had such a sad look on my face all the time. And every time, whenever I had to explain what happened, I would cry again without fail. Cry baby.

Pain 101. At the age of 30. What could I say? I’ was a late bloomer.

My girl friends started to create a list for me.

10 Things To Do after a Severe Break Up:

1. Go on a retail therapy – Celine drove to my place from her house in the outer suburb to make sure I had enough dosage of shopping. The car stereo was blasting Madonna’s Material Girl. Superficiality was the only thing that mattered at this stage.

2. Re-told the break up stories enough times until you stop crying

3. Make sure that you don’t binge on snacks and put on lots of weight upon the break up. Make sure you lose your appetite instead of gaining them. You’d look even more fabulous than before.

4. Spent some money in getting a ‘real’ haircut. Depending on the severity of the break up, you might want to invest on a different colour, too. Going blonde should be considered as a last option.

5. Have an early spring cleaning (provided you didn’t break up in spring). Get rid of all the stuff that might make you cry (again…) and arrange your wardrobe that only sexy, slinky, elegant, savvy type of wardrobe is required.

6. Spend lots of time with your girl friends, as girls hanging out in a group seem to attract more attention from the opposite sex.

7. try not cry

8. Forget that you want to cry

9. you’re not crying anymore

10. NOT CRY!

While you were away

In the last 8 days, I've lost count on how many times I used the sentence, "... but I was only away for 4 weeks!"

Somebody got a new job after being unemployed for 6 months. Two friends are getting divorced. One girl broke up with her partner. Someone had a birthday. Another girl had a fall out with her boyfriend and decided to move to UK. An ex-client turned tour guide. A friend came out, his whole family knows that he's gay and loves him still. A company closed. A mate forgot this thing called a condom existed and knocked up her girlfriend, whom he doesn't love, pregnant. People resigned. A friend dated and ended his relationship with an-ex friend of mine. A colleague went back to her old job because she needed a stable income. The book sells. My friend slept with her boss and did not know what to do. Whilst refusing her girlfriend's hand in marriage, a mate left his dog at her place. An account nearly lost. A holiday got cancelled. My family went to Thailand. Somebody decided to get married for the second time. All in the time that I was away.

The list goes on and on. In the last 8 days, I've been sad, happy, amazed, shocked, grateful, proud, touched because all of the above. A little over 4 weeks and it feels like I need a lifetime to catch up with all of that.

Back... a year later

Exactly one year ago, a post was written in a Sydney suburbia announcing a long commercial break from blogworld. A few weeks after, another post was written about being back, and broke. It's a real pattern with my life. Hahaha...

Good to know that some things never change.

Harsh Realities #1

A: I don’t give people chances. I let things happen naturally. I allow things to take its normal course, an effortless effort if I may… Initially I thought I could get use to the love and attention, but after some time it feels suffocating. I hate it when in the name of being considerate I have to be dishonest. I deny my own feeling and gave in to “niceness”. That’s not the way a relationship supposed to be, and if I can’t be completely openly and brutally honest with someone, then that someone is not for me.

B: Honesty is important. But you must also understand that a relationship takes compromise.

A: I completely in agreement with you. However, that compromise must come willingly. When it comes to you, I feel like I am obliged to you – because you are nice, kind, and loving and posses the qualities that a partner should have. You are all of that and more, and yet you are not for me.

B: What if I say I’m going to try to let the love runs free and not suffocating you? Just enjoying the moment?

A: I can’t see how you can do that. That’s a contradicting statement. You let your love runs free and it suffocates me. When you hold back, you’re not being honest to yourself. I can’t handle all that love. At the very least I think not at the moment … And there’s no telling when, if ever I can deal with your love.

B: What are you trying to say?

A: That despite your great qualities, I think this whole thing we’re having has to stop. I can’t love you the way you love me. It’s not about you; it’s just not meant to be maybe. We can’t even be friends – we couldn’t be friends because it was overcome by emotions too fast, too soon.

B: Is this goodbye?

A: Is there a point of ending something that never really started?

My First Time

My first time in Hong Kong. My first time in Hong Kong Disneyland. My first time in a few other things...

Linking Lucky Travels

I was with LAC 3 weeks out of the 4 weeks I was travelling around US and Canada. I missed out writing about the Philly wedding, so those who are interested can just read about the account on her blog, together with her other journeys. Lucky. I'm very lucky, too.

Here's us with the Philly bride...

And oh, here's LAC with the double hydrants.

Home Again

It was one week ago that I landed back in Jakarta. Tired. All consumed and wasted from the travel liquor. After 3 loads of laundry and screwed up biorhytm, I had to pack again and check out some business in another country. I'm in another foreign land (once again) for business.

America is a land of dreams; where anyone can come and try out their luck, and history has proven that hard work borne fruitful results. It is a country where everyone comes from somewhere sometime in their history. And despite economic hardships, social unrests, class struggle and global challenges, the dreams never die. They come in the form of a French immigrant wanting to experience constant sunshine in California, the Chinese parent who arrived in the midwest knowing very little English because he wants to give his children a better education, the Ecuadorian missionary wanting to raise fund for his cause, the Indonesian who chose his future over his family back home. These stories are everywhere. These people build the great American stories of perseverance and hard work.

4 weeks in North America changed my perception of the USA. I realised that even if USA's foreign policies and actions globally are questionable, they don't tell us anything about the American people. Political statements and media rhetorics can not be translated to what the nation is all about. It is not about defending USA in any point, but more of an awakening that sometimes we throw judgements without enough information. We formed an opinion based on hear say.

Once I was home, I was also faced with numerous enveleopes. Bills. Things that needed to paid. Sigh. It is time to face the demons of my travels; the good meals and the excellent wine, that little memento bought on the side of the street. It is time to stay put and work, once again so I can go away again.

Until next time. Until the next trip.