10 THINGS I WANT THIS WEEK

This week beginning by tomorrow...

1. I want to hear nothing about my work and my job
2. I want to go away and see less people - this city is too crowded
3. I want to listen to good music and have a great conversation
4. I want to cry over a movie and not feel like stupid
5. I want to hang out with Gaya and Joachim in London
6. I want to get things ready for the housewarming party
7. I want to just lie in bed with that person with noone to bother us
8. I want to have brunch on Brunswick St
9. I want to dance the night away at the Night Cat
10. I want to have crazy conversation with Kayin

See?? I just need to go away...

???

What the f$#* am I doing? When the sky is blue and the sea is a few steps away? Why must I look for a storm and challenge the wind? Maybe that's just me... I need these things to see if I'm alive. Crazy weird shit. Another one with an expiry date? Or is it a time bomb?

Sorry for the lack of insights these days. They're kinda boring and uninteresting and I have nothing to write but random ramblings of the personal kind. Maybe I need to go away again...

I am nice because...

Somebody asked me, "Why are you nice to me?" Hmmm... I don't know. I just am. Hehehe... Good upbringing? Because I feel like it? One of my biggest weaknesses (... or some say strength) is to do things without thinking. I would do them impulsively because they feel right.

At times when black and white is disputable; when right or wrong is negotiable; doing what you feel is right is not easy to do. There are pressures to keep yourself balanced, to maintain a stable relationship between your heart and your head. The challenge is to use your head to weigh all information in hand but use your heart to decide. The head can only give you factual information but can not tell you of the nuances, the context, the numerous abstract emotions that are involved. The heart feels them but it must be guided by facts so that the decision becomes "an informed decision".

I suppose being nice is something that one does without thinking. It's sincerity in action. You do something because without thinking, it's the most natural thing to do.

Eventually they will...

Patience. Endurance. Faith. Confidence.

It is useless to tell people what to do and how to do and why you should do things a certain way. Just because your passion brings you this far doesn't mean it gets to everyone else. You feel like you're carrying the load of the world on your shoulder and nothing you do can ever be good enough. Be kind to yourself. Be the bigger person. Do what you think is right and eventually things will sort themselves.

Big hugs to bad mood.

Advertising Moments

Why am I in advertising? I often asked that question when I feel weary and sick of the bull that goes around. The sucking up. The "marketing". The "arse-licking". But my few years in the industry have also brought me great experiences and plenty of opportunities. I wouldn't have traveled to China or Thailand otherwise. I wouldn't know so many cool people from all around the world. Advertising puts us in such a temporal world. Our life story is told within 30 seconds, and therefore in those fleeting seconds everything is intensified, hyperboled; a major roller coaster ride on e and acid joined together. Not that I know what's that like. Really.

With things that are happening of late, I tried to think long and hard about the decisions I needed to make. An attempt to be rational and wise, and more mature. All of the above failed. I've operated on "the moment" principles for far too long that it's difficult to shift gear and be a rational adult. Maybe it's just something about myself that I need to embrace; my strength as a human being -- to enjoy the brief moment of ecstacy and cross the bridge when I get there.

Someone very wise taught me that.

Confused??

Someone pointed out to me by reading my previous posts that I seemed very confused. Funny that, because although the previous post wasn't not making any sense -- it was a true reflection of my being at that moment and isn't that the whole point of documenting? Writing? Blogging?

Lots are going on at the moment; both in my professional and personal lives. There are numerous pathways with various roadworks leading to different moutains. Yes, mountains. And they needed climbing. I finished a long trekking session with my previous employment late last year and now I'm about to start on a different journey. At the same time, I'm being distracted by the open fields on my right which presented unlimited vista. To complicate matters even worse, I have to deal with my heart and what it wants, and the chances its taking.

I often forget about my heart. Most of the time it continues beeping, no matter how faint. I want it to beat strongly; to feel the light of day and the turn of the moon all the time. I want my heart to not worry and just sail the opean seas feeling secure, confident and content.

This post is a rambling nonsense. Maybe that person is right, I am confused.

On Being a Girl

I love this... It cracks me up. And reminds me on how much I miss it..
Again must be all this sleep deprivation...

Written by MindThatGirl -- somewhere in the US.

No, you hang up. No, you hang up. No, you hang---

So it's happened. I have become one part of those sickening PDA-happy couples.

Yes, I am a girl, but I have never been one of those girls. I'd swat the hand away, shun the kisses, shrug out of the embrace. Maybe if I was drunk or in a good mood, I'd allow the hands on my waist, but that was it. But now...

I can't think of a moment when we aren't grabbing, holding hands, kissing, spooning, or otherwise grossing out all our friends. Granted, it's he more than I. But I give him a close running for second. Perhaps it's because we are still a new couple. I think the official relationship (the period of time I have held the 'girlfriend' title) is about two weeks. But honestly, I don't want it to stop.

We are even sleep deprived because of cuddling time. I am dead serious. This relationship might be damaging our health.

Death by PDA. What a way to go.

Where do I Belong?

You Belong in Dublin

Friendly and down to earth, you want to enjoy Europe without snobbery or pretensions. You're the perfect person to go wild on a pub crawl... or enjoy a quiet bike ride through the old part of town.

What European City Do You Belong In?

i know don't want i what want i

i'm tired. i'm excited. i'm taking chances. i can't always get what i want.i'm putting myself out. i want to have it. i can't be bothered. i want it to be simple. i miss it. i don't know if i want it. i want to be wise. i want to be carefree. i don't want to think about it. i miss snail mails. i can't help feeling it. i know what i want. i want to go away. i wish things were as they were. i wanted change. i wish a world without electronic communication. i love emails. maybe i just need some sleep.

Adding crimson on my world

This is essential in surviving the crazy world of Jakarta. I need my annual travel fix. Today I spent more hours than neccessary in the office because I need to think about where I'm going and when and how -- basically do a little planning to make it cost efficient. My excitement grows everytime! Planning a trip now becomes so easy for me and I managed to get dates and means of travel within one hour.

So, it's a little of the US west coast for Sin's wedding. A little of Canada to check out Care's crib. A little of NYC for the Roobz' groove and finally a tad of Philly for Sar's wedding. I'll be back in time for Idul Fitri holidays, which means that I'll have a few days to recover from jet-lag and other general travel fatigue.

I am good!!

You're my Inspiration

Somebody I knew 5 years ago suddenly sent me a text message a few days ago. A raincheck. We do that from time to time. Until he mentioned that in the 5 years we've known each other, we've only seen each other once. Which was the day period of time where we worked together. We clicked back then, when he was merely a film school student getting work experience and I was a PA starting out in the industry. We've gone a long way since then.

We met again last night. He's not as skinny a before. He looked a little older, a lot wiser. We were talking about everything and nothing when he said, "You inspired me." That shut me up immediately. He looked at me intensely. "I always admired your guts for life. Your whatever attitude and that daring I don't give a toss.." He told me that when he heard about my travels, he secretly made a promise to himself that one day he's going to be there as well. And the main reason that he really wanted to see me that night was to tell me that he's done it. He kept his promise to himself.

I didn't know what to say.

As I'm sitting here writing this post, my mind is thinking hard of the people who inspired me. My dad, my uncle, my ex boyfriend, my Performit gang, my team in the office, my ex boss, the list goes on and on. What I realised after last night was it didn't take very much to inspire others. We often think that we have to do something great like Gandhi, Mother Teresa, etc -- but truth of the matter is, to inspire is to touch other people's lives; to raise something within themselves that they don't know existed. I could inspire something even when I only met him once in five years... It must've been easier than I thought...