The Forever Unfitting

Once somebody starts traveling around the globe, the bug stays and the person is infected for life. It becomes a terminal condition that has no cure. Not only that, there are also some side effects and issues that emerge from the whole experience. Anyone who's been away from home for a significant amount of time, would enter a period of confusion and unsettledness upon returning. You begin to question your notion of home. And where home really is.

I have that disease. And I may have contracted the forever unfitting disease. I'll constantly feel like floating between places, traddling for solid ground. It's a curse.

In My Place

After a week of never ending bliss of rekindled friendship and many good nights out, things are beginning to settle down a little in Melbourne. Things will pick up again, I'm sure .. but for now, I have some time for myself to do some thinking about the recent events. It is the beginning of summer in Melbourne and the arrival of sun has always been welcomed with excitements from everyone. There are more colours in the street, from people's wardrobe, to the way the sun hits windows and the green grass. The warmer weather is reflected in the warmth of people as well. And that must have been the point when I fell in love with Melbourne all over again. I could get used to all of this again. I could live here again. I could be happy amongst old friends, and making new friends along the way. Easy.

Which brings me to the question: How are you supposed to know where you're supposed to be?

Jakarta is not too bad of a place. Like any other city in the world, you can easily find good and bad things combined -- more bad than good maybe, but at the end of the day it's all a matter of attitude and choice. It is how you choose to view this place that you live in, and like anything that has got anything to do with love.. you choose who you love and accept it for what it is. But when something better presents itself to you, what do you do?

Sass & Bide Sale

For those who are well into their brand, the name of Sass and Bide would be of no surprise to you. They make great pairs of jeans! I kid you not. I'm sure many other girls would testify on the difficulty of finding the perfect one, and therefore a girl can't have too many jeans. Never. Especially if you're one like moi, who lives and breathes in jeans. Needless to say, a few days ago was the Warehouse Sale of Sass& Bide. From past experiences, warehouse sale never got me anything good so I wasn't too interested... but when my housemate asked me to accompany her, I gladly tag along.

Never before had I seen so many girls of different age, size, race, gathered in the one place. At one point, the queue to enter the warehouse sale was as long as the next block. It was insane! And if I thought that was insane, try being inside. It was an easy 500 girls if not more. There ware queues everywhere; to the changing room, to pay at the cashier. It was sheer madness.

I got home thinking about what is it about Sass & Bide, or great pair of jeans or a warehouse sale that drives everyone to be there. We have developed an image culture so strong that created the hype of what looks good and what does not look good. Finding the perfect pair of jeans is never an easy task, but the perfect pair of jeans does not have to be a certain international brand. It doesn't have to be $500 worth. It may not be Sass & Bide. But when all one reads in a magazine is how great these things are, maybe we secretly want to believe that if we have one of those, we'd look equally beautiful and irresistable. That we'd belong to the cult of cool fashionistas.

Girls, girls, girls,... Just get on a pair that will make your arse look good and I think irressistability is yours!

Many Nights Out

I arrived in Melbourne under the impression that everyone will be very busy with work and their daily activities that I'm going to have lots of free time on my own. Amazingly enough, it didn't turn out the way I planned. It's been nearly a week and I have been out every single night. Crazy. Fun. I thank my lovely friends for that.

On Saturday night I caught up with some friends from RMIT's student theatre company Performit. We met at the Prince of Wales in St.Kilda and then had dinner at a vegetarian restaurant called Soul Mama. Sould Mama is buzzing with people. It's a happening place with bistro type of service. You are charged by the size of your plate, medium allows you rice with 4 choice of dishes, large gives you rice with 5 choice of dishes. Not only that, you are given the option of eating it from the tin tray or the porcelain plate. Ultra cool. It was a night of good conversation and stories and relishing old friendships. 5 years have gone passed but the bond between us remains, and we just slide back to how things were. After dinner, some went away and the rest of us continued on to have drinks at the Espy.

Close to midnight, Kayin, Lily and I made my way to Abode - Melbourne's infamous club for an experience. Stories about my amazing night will be published in the first edition of MAXIM Indonesia. I promise not to ruin it for you, or for the magazine for that matter...

What follows on the nights after that, were simply many nights out with friends. It is strange to feel as if I'm living here again. Or that somehow, there are many of us who are in the same cross roads after much traveling and working in the last 5 years. We have matured. But remained the good friends as we were.

Home Sweet Home

In the midst of all the excitement of going to Melbourne and finally meeting people I have not seen in years, something strange happened. As the plane descended over the clear Melbourne morning, I felt nothing. I thought there would be something like joy, or excitement, or anxiety, or longing. But I felt nothing. I couldn't figure it out until lunch time that very day.

As the car that brought me to my old apartment passed through familiar streets, I was amazed of how much things stayed the same. I recognised the same cafes I used to hang out with. On how the bar that I had my going away party expanded to take over the shop next to it. On how nothing in the apartment really changed other than the additional stuff filling up the place. It is very nice to see that instead of things changing, it was more of things adding up, expanding, creating new spaces and new experiences without losing the old one.

It is exactly why I felt nothing. It feels like coming home. And home is never a big thing. It is something you hold dear in your heart and no matter how long you've been away from it, you'll slide back in to it as if you never left.

Home Sweet Home.

Dreadful future

It is officially 10 days into my unemployment and there had been a few phone calls about prospective job offers and the future. As I am leaving for Australia in a few days, I had the luxury of polite refusal at this point to allow myself time to think about the future. To tell you the truth, it scares the hell outta me. It's nice that I'm at that cross roads and I can kinda freeze time and nor choose any particular road but yeah, as you get older, you get more cautious, and more analytical about stuff. You are more afraid to make mistakes, of not making ends meet.

A friend told me today that life is always full of opportunities and I must not be scared of making a mistake. Life is too short to let fear rules over it and hey,... we all learn from our mistakes. Eventually to be a better person. It is with this new thinking that I'm embracing the unknown future and taking a step into one road. Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

What the hell in a few days I'll be in a different country. Can you tell that I'm excited?

RED SQUARE

Lots of vodka and good company is a recipe for a good time. Last night was an unofficial going away party that Joe threw in for me. There are no words to describe how grateful I am for all the good times I had with Square Box. There are not enough words to describe the mixed emotions.

I have to move on.

I beg your Prada?

Branded bags never cease to amaze me. Girls who love them cease me even more. The globalising force of advertising and brand image whiz through world's emerging economies and creating new markets rapidly. Many of life's little treats like coffee, books, and fashion works under the collective power of consumerism. Brands such as Starbucks, Borders, Kinokuniya, Amazon, Prada, Gucci, Louis Vitton, Armani, Bally, are the new emperors of society. People wants to be associated with the royals and therefore would do almost anything to be members of the club. Even if it means, carrying a fake Gucci bag whilst sipping cofee at Starbucks.

This has also resulted in the rise of material girls. As a concept, it is older than the brands mentioned above, but in practise it is taking the world like a storm. Especially in a country like Indonesia, where the gap between the rich and the poor is so wide that it is almost impossible to cross. Girls are turning into predators. In the quest of finding ways to live happily ever after, sufficient material goods becomes priority number one. It is a ticket which will open new doors: to plastic surgery to fix one's lack of beauty, to branded boutiques for more Gucci and LVs, to top therapist if one has relationship problems.

Maybe the old saying is true. If you can't beat them, join them...
Excuse me, "I beg your Prada?"

Unemployed Day 4

The rise of fuel price. The fasting month. Being unemployed. Corruption. My country is dealing with tons of issues. Jakarta is faced with industrial action from public transport system. Today the paper talked of red chilli scarcity. Am I going mad? What is becoming of this place.

Despite all that, I am still excited. I am more than happy.
Unemployed Day 4.
7 Days before Melbourne.

A NEW BEGINNING

I realise that the title is dangerously sounding like one of the Star Wars episodes, but it is a faithful reflection of where I am in life right now. As a person of the present (which can mean a zillion things...), I am about to embark on a journey into the unknown.

Last Friday, I left Square Box after 4 wonderful years, for good. The time has come for me to move on to something else. Into something that I am yet to find. Many people think I'm crazy, but after two days of officially being unemployed I gotta tell you.... I am having the most wonderful time. And somehow, I know that I am doing the right thing.

This break has allowed me to begin exploring other things, pursuing other passions, and trying different things. I am blessed with many talents (Ha! That's what I'd like to think and please, please bear with me now...) and I should explore them. Some of them are actually hidden, and who knows... it might well be what I'm really really good at.

Money worries me... but then again, next week I'm flying to Australia for a bit of a break. Money? Yeah, I'll worry about it when I've totally run out.

RAMADHAN

Today is the first day of the fasting month of Ramadhan. It is the holy month for the Moslems, and as Indonesia's population is largely Moslems, you can't help but feeling it everywhere.

On telly, all the Indonesian soap operas, the so-called 'sinetron' are filled with titles that presents some kind of holiness affiliated. Instead of girls walking around in tank tops and tight jeans, you see more girls wearing head scarves looking demure. Cafes and restaurants put up curtains on their glass windows, so those who are fasting can not be tempted.

The holy month Ramadhan is about holding back. It is about giving into bodily suffering to focus and concentrate on one's faith. Lucky me, I don't have to fast and you know what's the best thing about the first day of the fasting month that deserves a post in this blog??

Jakarta's traffic eased up. I was driving around everywhere and I got to places in no time. Man! More people should be fasting!!

A Wounded Nation

The heart weeps and the mouth cries for the recent events hitting Indonesia. It seemed like a series of bad luck, of trials and tribulations. Life is becoming more and more difficult for those at the bottom of the food chain.

Last Friday, the Indonesian government had no choice but to raise fuel prices. The world oil situation is being felt here as well, and as part of maintaining the economic stability, the people must (again) contribute. The higher price of fuel for most people will resulted in subsidy paid to the poorest of the nation. Pseudo fuel scarcity, mass demonstration, general dissatisfaction were just beginning to emerge when Saturday bombing happened.

Bali was hit by suicide bombers with unknown motives. Scarry. Sad. I had visited those cafes in my visits to Bali. It's hard to believe that sombody could have the heart to do such a thing!! Damn those bombers!!

It is time to join the resistance!! In all situations, we must never give up hope and continue with our lives. Some adjustments might be needed, but life must go on. We must continue to go to Bali. It is the only way to prove that this nation will not yield to fear. It is with hope that we continue living. It is with love that we can heal.