TAROT READING

R and I took our girlfriend out for dinner and tarot reading session for her birthday. Which was a big scam because actually we wanted to have a reading ourselves, and yet felt the need to provide a pretext. Yes! It was F's birthday and she could use some 'guidance'.

I've met this tarot reader before at a party and she vaguely remembered me (though she thought I was someone else). I was hopeless at these kinda things, because as a Christian, I never really believed in anything else and therefore never bothered to remember anything said during the reading for more than a few days. Hence, I could never say if one reading is accurate. Therefore I thought I should immortalise it and check back in a few months to see what happens. (I have also told as many people as possible about the full reading, so they can remind me months later).

• CAREER: If I continue with my current tasks, I will be bored shitless. However, people in the company loves me and I will be given an international promotion, which will take me to another country(s) and I will keep on moving between places. This should happen at the beginning of next year. I really wish this one would come true, going places, moving countries, man!! I'd love THAT!!
  
• LOVE: The reason why I have not met someone is not because nobody is interested, but because I was perceived as being "too high profile". Ha!! It takes someone with great courage to approach me and cut through all the bullshit. Someone(s) has been watching me. Expect something before the end of the year. I might have to make a decision. From a 7 year dry spell, all of a sudden I get to choose?? Awesome.

I realised then, that I had forgotten to ask about money and finances. Gosh! I'm such a beginner in this. I should try to think of real specific questions which can prove if this whole thing is just a scam or not.

Blue

Blue is what I’m feeling today
Thick white clouds covering the sky
Reflecting the blueness of my day

we kissed
we laughed
we tried not to cry

A simple smile covering the pain
Suddenly incomplete
Suddenly alone

Blue is what I’m feeling today

On Leaving

She sat in the corner one seater couch. She was skinny and petite. There was a nervousness about her. It was early and the office was slowly filling up with people. “Hi… You must be A. You’re new? I’m Cynthia. Nice to meet you.” We shook hands and then I started the SBC tour. It was a few years later when we were at a friend’s BBQ that she held my hand with one hand and told me something in confidence. “I’m leaving. I’m leaving Jakarta for good.”

L: With certain people you just have a good connection and you don’t mind. Like with you. Like the first time I met you.
C: How did we meet again?
L: I still remember that day. It was my first job. The bike? There are 3 versions with different funky supers that constantly got revised.
C: Oh, I remember. It was nice. We were working together. I can’t believe now you’re leaving.
L: I still need to pack.
C: What time is your flight? Is anyone sending you to the airport?
L: No, I’m just going to take a cab. I don’t want anyone sending me.

A text from mum:
SS passed away earlier. He was to wed his son next week.

An email from CTN:
R’s dad just passed away. Thought you should know.

People leave. They leave town or they leave the world. For good. Forever. You get left behind. People come and go. The people I connect with, the places I go… I should be used to this. I don’t. Being left behind sucks. They haven’t left and I missed them already.

One Year Ago

13 months ago I was sitting in front of my co-worker's desk, in awe that I was in our company's LA headquarters, meeting people with different nationalities, and getting glimpses of our global operation. I had taken the job for the new post for Indonesia, but there was a feeling that these people were sizing me up. This young Indonesian girl is going to run our operation in Indonesia? Yeah, give us 10 minutes and we'll tell that she's a fake!! I thought that they could withdrew their offer... It was like going for a job interview with half a dozen people. OK, I'm going on a tangent. This post is not going to be about my job.

Rewind to the scene in my colleague's office. My VP and CEO walked in to MB's office and suddenly my CEO said, "Indonesia is hot. Who knows, our next president might be part Indonesian." My blank face must had been that apparent to him, because he went on to explain about how Barack Obama -who is currently running to be the next US President- spent a few years of his childhood in Indonesia, had an Indonesian step-father, etc, etc. Back in 2006, when this conversation happened, BO was new to the Hills. I made a mental note of google-ing him someday.

In Philly airport where my plane got delayed which resulted in an extra night in Philly, I browsed the bookshop and saw him. His face stared at you with intent, on the cover of his second book, "Audacity of Hope". The title got me, plus the curiosity build since the first time I heard of his name. The book accompanied me in the 20 hours plane ride back to Jakarta and the message stayed with me ever since.

This morning, BO was a guest on Oprah. It must've been an old episode, because it was talking about the book "Audacity of Hope", but once again he got me thinking about the idea of Audacity of Hope. For BO, the concept of Audacity of Hope derived from the people he met traveling across America; the small townfolks with problems of unemployment, lack of health care, and crime. Adversity is faced by everyone regardless of their colour, race, religious beliefs or nationality, and hope is the only thing going for them.

Those three words are such a strong statement in overcoming adversity. It was as if sombody yells out to the sky, "Tough life! Screw you! I'm not going to be beaten!" It personifies resistance and unwillingness to yield.

It is not a concept unique to the American people. Jakarta, and Indonesia is a country of people with similar challenges. Our citizens worry about what to eat today, and where they are going to live if they can no longer live under the highways of Jakarta. We read about the thousands who are displaced because of the mudslide in East Java; how they rally in front of the Parliament House to get help. Yesterday, a bunch of families blockade a toll road because they have not receive severence pay for the land on which the road was built for 4 years. In a way, these problems are not that different from the ones in a continent away. And in a country where fighting almost always means that you're going to lose, the words Audacity of Hope means so much more.

It is interesting to note that even if every country has individual problems, the solution might be global. Technological advancement has shrunk the world so much that a world-wide economic dependency and cooperation is within reach. If Audacity of Hope can be seen globally, then there is no reason to believe that a solution does not exist. All it takes is goodwill and a little bit of love, hope and faith.

See You Later...

Some people say that it is very lonely to live in a big city. Is it possible to be lonely in a place where one constantly bumps into people? Jakarta has 9,000,000 inhabitants. A solitary moment is physically hard to come by. I don't think loneliness actually has anything to do with the number of people around you. I've been in a room full of people, friends and family and felt completely alone. It has more to do with the connection you have with others, or God, or anything else. It is selfish, because often loneliness comes from shutting people out. When you refuse to connect with people; when it is easier to dwell in sorrow and feel bad for yourself.

The past few years, I've been really lucky to strike friendships with some very special girls. What started as a work relationship, slowly grew to be a personal one and now we're simply friends. We no longer work with each other, and we don't even see each other that often, but we're friends. And you have to treasure these friendships.

Having lived in another country and worked with a legion of expatriates, parting is a common thing. People come and people go. But it's still not something easy to get used to. One mourns the loss of a loved one, even when the last words said were, "See you later..." Later being the indefinite notion of time, albeit an important one because it implies a moment to look forward to rather a final good bye.

There's that saying that parting is such sweet sorrow. Pray I get to learn what they mean, when my good girl friends embark on the next journey of their life.

As I was thinking about these thoughts, I came across this movie last night. REIGN OVER ME. A drama with stellar casts that highlights things like, life, love, friendship, loneliness, loss and mourning. It might not reach the height of drama and it lacks grip, but the issues raised were more than fitting to my current state of mind.