Morning Drive

I am very fortunate to live very close to my workplace. Unlike most people, I don't have to spend hours commuting to and fro to make my living. It requires driving past the inner streets of Kemang, cut across the stupid traffic of Kemang Raya to be in the office within 5 minutes. Nearby my office there is a public elementary school and often I would see kids in red-white uniform walking on the same street I use. This morning, just before I turned left to another street leading to my office, 2 boys about the age of 7-8 yeas old were standing facing the bushes, whilst some girls were crowding in one corner. The 2 boys were about 2 metres apart and they were peeing into the bushes. They were even talking to each other whilst doing it!

It's great that this kind of innocence still exists in the superficial life of this big city called Jakarta. It is refreshing to be reminded that at some point in our lives, we know no fear, we worry not about what other thinks of us, we do things without thinking even if it means exposing one's private parts in public. :)...

Traffic

Jakarta is a city with a population of 9 million (this figure comes from an internet site somewhere and it's almost impossible to verify because the amount of people who work in this city and live more than an hour away is a figure on its own, not to mention the unlisted citizens who live in the dark alleys of Jakarta slums) and these people need to commute. As a city it has a humoungous traffic problem which can never be solved. Town planning doesn't really exist. Future developments goes as far as 2 years into the future. The word long term planning is obsolete. In a town where money speaks louder than rules and regulations, anything goes.

As a result, traffic becomes the most commonly used excuse if someone is late for a meeting, or any appointment. This excuse will be received with a shrug, a roll of the eye -- it's so normal. I don't think it's normal though... This excuse can only be given by someone who's new in this town and have no idea on how bad/good the traffic is. There's nothing wrong in arriving early, make sure you bring a book, an iPod while you wait? It's called respecting other people's time.

Aaaaaargh!!! I hate traffic and I hate people who uses traffic as an excuse. Lame.

Parallel Worlds

Maybe someday I'll get to understand it better. How can a single girl from Indonesia experience a similar thing with a total stranger from North America, and I get to read about it from the wonderful world of bloggers? I suppose regardless of age, gender, nationalities or culture, human beings experience a common struggle. Things like fitting in, self-identity, fear of committment, relationship enxiety, are all alike to most of us. SOURandSWEET was made known to me by faetryn; I don't know her, all I know is I can relate to her struggle and it's comforting to know that someone somewhere feels the way I do. Bizarre, I know. But cool all the same.

So, here's an edited excerpt from her blog that is very relevant; and often happens in my life, not exactly.. but more or less. That whole ego boosting experience?? I can totally dig that!

Enter my current situation. There is a guy at my soon-to-be-former workplace that I’ve flirted with from my arrival. Harmless you could call it, at first, until yesterday when he asked me out. You see, ever since I told him I was leaving, he’s been laying on thicker than normal. “Well, what’s wrong with that?” I can hear you asking. To which I will answer with another question — why would you get onto a plane that you knew was rife with mechanical failures and is garunteed to fall apart mid-air? Crashing and burning is inevitable. I know it is not worth it, yet I find myself, instead of leaving well-enough alone, wanting to push things as far as they can go without anything ever “happening.”

So this guy thinks I’m cute, he wants to take me to dinner and pick my brain, wants to take me home and pick other things. And why do I respond? ‘Cause it’s a stroke to the feminine ego (and you thought maybe that didn’t exist?). But what of him? Have I found in him anything that is worth a response? Not necessarily, yet as I was at the grocery store last night, I realized I was walking with a lighter step in my foot, streams of confidence overflowing — ’cause someone finds me attractive right now? Oh. I start to feel a little crushing sensation, something’s wrong.

So, I’m at a bit of a crossroads right now. Boy, the flight crew of that plane sure look friendly (and cute), but in this case with discretion definitely being the better part of valor, it seems like the wiser choice to let this plane leave and continue to wait at what seems like a rather remote airport, for a plane that might withstand the flight.

Explore and Sing

We are taught to believe that angels in heaven sing like nothing on earth. Even if I believe that, THE VOICES' concert last Thursday prove that humans are blessed with divine voices that can bring you to other places. Somewhere serene and peaceful, where the hustle and bustle of everyday life is suspended. It was angelic music by 16 dedicated young singers making an attempt on compositions by William Byrd, Richard Bennett, Bob Chilcott and Gilbert & Sullivan. The first part act was in Latin, which was probably how I felt like I'm not on earth. There's something about songs in Latin that makes me shiver. There's a sense of old, of a wisdom centuries ago.

The second part was fun. Chookachooka train made me want to ride to dreamland.

Good music does that to ya'... It feeds the soul. You just need to get a lot more of them, or at least try to.

What the cards tell you...

A friend of mine told a story of an amazing Tarot Counselling experience. It was the first time I've heard of it being used as a method of self-development and not the usual fortune telling kind. Initially I was quite sceptical with the whole thing. She has always been quite religious, and for her to try something like that seemed to be against her own person. But she was having problems which was all consuming and she needed some kind of explanation. Strangely enough the cards really opened up her mind and provided her with the assurance she was looking for. It wasn't so much that the cards could tell her right or wrong, it wasn't that the cards could tell her what to do next; the cards simply helped her connect all the dots. All the facts and information that surrounded her but failed to reach her comprehension. It helped her see, and when she escaped blindness she gained confidence. She is slowly gathering courage to move on.

Everybody can use some kind of Tarot Counselling experience of some sort sometimes. It does not even have to come in the form of a tarot card reading. It can come in a form of reading an inspirational book, or listening to a good music, or just conversing with someone. What everybody needs is an experience where the mind is opened and for once, things become clearer; things begin to make sense.

I had my Tarot experience yesterday. It was enlightening, calming and interesting. Have you had yours?

A great coffee

There's nothing much to see in this photo, but it's definitely an unforgettable experience. I can't remember the decription on the menu, but it was something about cinnamon and tangerine with cloves burned to create some kind of aroma -- right in front of you. One delicious coffee indeed.

Borrowed Blog - Gaspar

Gaspar had a moment and he came up with this. I thought I should share it to you lot...
A good reading this morning from FC:The Gift of Risk
Leading Ideas: The Gift of Risk by Doug Sundheim

"Do you think the people who were trying to reach the top of Everest were not full of doubts? For a hundred years, people tried and lost their lives. Not even their dead bodies came back. But still, more people tried...risking...knowing that they may never come back. Why? Because it was worth it. Because in the very risk something is born inside you: the center. It is born only in the risk. That's the beauty of risk, the gift of risk." --Paraphrased from Osho (1931-1990), Indian Professor of Philosophy, Spiritual master

Six years ago, while coaching a client, I stumbled upon a very important question. We were talking about the idea of living with "no regrets" when I asked him, "When in your life did you feel most alive?" He reflected for a moment and told me about the summer he overcame his fear of water and learned to sail. When he finished he was grinning ear-to-ear. Subsequently, I have asked hundreds of people the same question and have been struck by the similarity of their answers. In particular I've noticed 3 themes. (1) Nearly everyone describes a scenario in which they pushed themselves out of their comfort zone and took risks. (2) The OUTCOME of taking the risk is rarely the main thrust of the story - it's usually the process of taking them that they remember most fondly. (3) When people finish their story, they've often got a big smile on their face.

Consider This:
The gift of risk-taking doesn't lie in what you achieve by risking - it lies in who you become as a result of the process. Confident. Engaged. Alive. Furthermore, it isn't something you do once in a while - it's an approach to life. Open. Exploratory. Daring. You know it when you let it slip out of your life. You feel stagnant, lethargic, bored. Risks have no shelf life - yesterday's risks are today's ego trip. Today is new. RE-ENGAGE. RE-RISK.

Try This:
1. Ask yourself the same question, "When in your life did you feel most alive?"
2. What were you doing? Why did it feel so good? Which of your core values were you living?
3. It's likely you were taking some risks at the time.
4. If you've haven't felt that alive in a while, what could you do to re-engage, to push past your comfort zone?
5. Remember, the gift of risk lies not in what you achieve, but in who you become by taking them.

Second chances

How do you know when love is not enough to carry you through?
When do you say enough is enough?
What does it take for you to be honest with yourself and say this is not working?

For one it takes 2 weeks. For another it took 2 years. For another other it took 26 years. It is not that we enjoy being treated like shit and thrived in unhappiness. It is not that we let the fire goes cold and settle for the warmth provided by layers of protective clothing. We are or were in love.

It is hard when one is in love, or thinking that there might be love, or hoping that there is enough love. Not only we tend to overlook the realities of the flawed relationships, we also secretly wish that love conquers all; like a 5 year old who dreams of being a princess rescued by prince charming on a white horse.

It is a scarry world out there; outside this bad but not- so- bad relationship things might even be worse. We often question the value of our relationship, comparing it with others, and weighing the options in hand. We search deep and low for love that brought us together, scraping the last bits of emotion that remain untouched, often only to be disappointed to realise that there is really nothing left. 2 weeks matter as much as 26 years. You carry a lot with you when something like love is involved, and it takes a lot of courage just to be honest with yourself and ask the above questions.

I salute the women who dared to step out of their shell and admit to themselves that they deserve better. I admire their courage to face their own fears and bitterness to once again, give life and love a chance. It might take them 2 weeks, or 2 years or 26 years but most importantly, they do not give up life. Life is too short to be spent settling for second best when you can have more, bigger and better things.

Girls, you know who you are ... to bigger and better things... to second chances.

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY

28 years and 14 days ago, a baby was born into this world. It was after torturing the mother for close to 20 hours that a loud cry broke out in the delivery room and I was born. 20 hours of labour must have signalled the kind of life the baby is going to live after, although at that time both parents were relieved that the whole ordeal was over.

In retrospect, life has always been kind to me. Living in a crazy city like Jakarta is never easy and even the safe streets of Melbourne a few years ago had its own dark secrets. I survived youth; the acne proned teenage years where peer pressure ruled all throughout university days where being foreign in a foreign country brought gazillion of experiences. It was days on stage, half asleep during tutorials, learning to drink my first pint of guiness, nuddy run in the woods, endless cups of coffee and falling in love. I had my heart broken and broke a few hearts along the way. I cried through my first job, lost a lot of my social life whilst working on my career only to stop at one point and paused.

I'm still in pause mode.

People change as they grow older. Some becomes more impatient, some becomes kinder. Some more focused, some simply choose to be more open for other things life has to offer. Some settles down, some believes that freedom is more important than anything. Some falls in love, some opts for celibacy.

I know I'm turning into something. Like the ugly worm that's slowly turning into colourful butterfly, I can feel my whole body and soul being turned inside out into something I'm not really sure of. I kinda like not knowing. The last 28 years of my life had been pretty friggin' amazing I wouldn't trade it for anything else. In pause mode I get to stand back and enjoy not knowing, simply being grateful for the things that happened and the better things that will come.

Happy Belated Birthday to me..
P.S. Thank you for the most amazing coffee on my birthday...

Explaning Absence

My posts recently had been nothing but interesting. I blame the myriad of personal problems I'm currently dealing with and the complete 2 seasons of Grey's Anatomy. Yes, it's a total chick flick for the hopeless romantic but I'm officially hooked. I'm so hooked that I actually looked things up on the internet, just to see if American viewers love it enough to have another season running. 3rd season is opening on Sep 2006 -- I will be in the States for it. I'm embarrassing. At least I'm not embarrassed to admit it.

In the meantime, the quotes I got off the website will have to suffice. (Laugh and frown all u like...) And No, I don't take my life advice from a TV series, even if they're really well written.

On Just Sex
"They always look so sad when I kick them out. Seriously, why do guys not understand that when you pick them up in a bar and take them home for sex, that there are no picket fences or kids in your future?"

On Taking A Chance
"A couple of hundred years ago, Benjamin Franklin shared with the world the secret of his success. 'Never leave that 'til tomorrow,' he said, 'Which you could do today.' This is the man who discovered electricity. You’d think more of us would listen to what he had to say. I don’t know why we put things off, but if I had to guess, I’d say it had a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure. Fear of pain. Fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong. What if you make a mistake you can’t undo. Whatever it is we're afraid of, one thing holds true. That by the time the pain of not doing the thing gets worse than the fear of doing it. It can feel like we're carrying around a giant tumor. And you thought I was speaking metaphorically."

"At some point, you have to make a decision. Boundaries don't keep other people out, they fence you in. Life is messy, that's how we're made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them. But there are some lines that are way too dangerous to cross. Here's what I know. If you're willing to throw caution to the wind and take a chance, the view from the other side... is spectacular."

On Keeping the Dream Alive
"But the thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after -- just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away."

On Carpe Diem
"The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day'. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying."

Now, do you understand why I got hooked??