In Dreams

A recent coffee experience with a mate brought me to this blog. This mate has been struggling with his current employment for sometime now. He is torn between sticking on to his responsibility and listening to his heart. Apparently I wasn't the only one who was lost. The soul searching was not solely mine. That made me feel good. After some time off during the christmas holidays, he came to a decision; he is going to listen to his heart and quit. He is yet to work up the courage to resign, pick the right time, etc, etc but at least he has decided. And when the heart wins, it brings such an obvious change in that person. My mate seems more peaceful with himself, more calm, more relaxed. It was as if such a big burden had been lifted.

He spoke about finally narrowing down to the question of what he really wants to do; the one thing that he has always dreamed of. It was about asking the right questions and being truthful to yourself. That I can relate, too.

Many times in life we abandon our dreams because they are too high above; to difficult to be reached; to impossible to be realised. Now, I believe that dreams are made to come true. Try listening to your heart to find the deepest longing of your soul. Search high and low for the one thing that makes you go hmmmmm....

Instant Gratification

Some people said creativity is addictive. I didn't know what it was like until a few days ago. Many years ago when I was still performing on stage and the theatre was filled with people, I got excited as the magic happened on stage. When the show was over the satisfaction was very very fulfilling. I nearly forgot what it was like...

My pet project is going on well. People responded well. I've even decided to take on this freelance job into full time. This job will pay the bill and allow me more time to concentrate on this pet project. I'm having an absolutely rockin' time. That's what you get for doing something you like doing.

Monday Morning Bossa Nova

Instead of the usual Monday morning blues, this morning I woke up fresh and ready to take on the new day only to be met with heavy rain outside my windows. Despite the strong urges to stay under my blanket and enjoy the wonders of great tennis matches of Australian Open on telly, I woke up and did my regular morning stretches.

Jakarta traffic under the showers is never pleasant and I rejoiced my arrival in the office. The rain had stopped but the sky is a miserable grey. As I sat down with a cup of coffee in one hand, my other hand turned to my iPod to set some music in the morning. It's perfect for a bossa nova mood. Effortless and smooth. That's hope for this one Monday morning.

Long and Winding Road

How come no one ever told me that cross roads can be long and winded and never ending? How come nobody ever said anything about the little avenues that branch out of the roads?

And when I told somebody that I'm as lost as a little puppy dog, people gave me different directions. One guy said, pick one that looks the easiest. An old woman said, pick the most lucrative. One boy said, go to where it will make you happy. A grandfather said make a list and match it with where you want to be in 20 years. I looked at all of them. More confused than ever before.

I wish I can be the same girl like 5 years ago, who took a chance without even thinking. Darn this growing up business! Darn trying to be logical! Darn this whole bloody reason!! Let's hope I get through this cross roads. It's like a friggin endurance test!!

IMPACTFUL

Today I learned about two things: patience and humility. In the process of deciding what is best for my career I had to learn to wait. It seems like an endurance test in staying true to your course and only jump to the right boat when it comes along. In the beginning era of computer games, there was a frog game that I remembered. One frog had to cross the river that was filled with crocodile. There were lots of floating logs for the frog to cross, but it had to be careful not to jump on any crocodile's back. Although speed was essential, caution was even more important.

These past few weeks felt like that. I was afraid that I would be unemployed for too long. There was fear that no one would want to hire me. There was fear that I wouldn't be able to make a living doing what I love doing. I had to keep on reminding myself that patience comes to those who wait.

It did. It really did. On Monday I started work in a great place with a good vibe, and not only that... it's also a place where I feel like I could contribute something. It's a place where I would like to make a difference and not simply be there as a third wheel; redundant and useless. The patience taught me to focus and that concentration resulted in good things.

And when it rains, it pours. Another job opportunity presented itself through a stranger who heard of me through the grapevine. Rather than being boastful, I learned to bow my head and chose the road of humility. It is definitely more difficult to try to get rid of my ego, the proudness of being recognised. It is when things were done in sincerity that people noticed; and good impressions last a long time.

Starting aNew

Sometimes one spends a lot of time trying to find out what is good, what is right and what is important in one's life. Often we end up more confused than before and make stupid decisions anyway. This new state of mine is a little like that, only with clearer directions. In my attempts to pursue my own creative work, I am faced with the issue of earning money to finance my life. After all, I have no one else to turn to for money. I don't have a money tree growing in my backyard.

Something comes up. An outfit with a bunch of talented people, with good vibes and a cool office. Initially I thought it'd be straight forward, less pressure than my old job at a production company. On my third day I realised that everything new holds its own challenges. Although the daily tasks do not seem difficult, there are myriad of other problems underneath that I need to deal with. It's good. I'm excited. I also feel needed. I go in with an open mind, a learning heart and a plan to serve. When you start aNew, you need to go in with humility and servitude. And what better timing to do this than now??

On Security and Other Matters

A friend of mine complained the other day because his dad wouldn't let him leave the house during Christmas period for fear of bomb threats around the city of Jakarta. My friend is 25 years old. He thought that his dad was being rather ridiculous but stayed home anyway because a verbal brawl would ruined the festive spirit in the air.

Another friend cancelled their second honeymoon plan in Bali after the second Bali bombing. She used to think that nobody would bother to bomb the same place twice. They've done it there before, why would they do it there again? Wrong. Now what people say is, "They've bombed Bali twice, what would stop them from doing it the third time?"

Today we are faced with new challenges in living. We not only worry about what we are going to eat, what we are going to wear, what work we are going to do, but we also worry about terrorist attack, kidnapping, bombing, riots and other security related issues. It is as if life is not difficult enough. Fear is in.

Giving in to fear is not the answer. As trendy as it is, fear looks very ugly. Courage should replace fear as the new trend in living. It means living day by day to the most. It means more caution and not taking things for granted. It means living knowing that anytime, things that are dear to us can vanished. Nothing is eternal.

As Hellen Keller said, "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature no do children as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing. To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate, is strength undefeatable." (Let Us Have Faith, 1940).

NEW YEAR 2006

My New Year's Eve was spent in a banking museum. Huh?? Yeah, I know it's rather unusual but we were running out of ideas as to what to do that night. A text message came to my phone and offered a NYE celebration with a cost of 60,000 rups -- that's about US$ 6 -- complete with dinner and great rooftop fireworks. With something that cheap, there was very little to lose. It turned out to be a pretty good night indeed. Although the food wasn't fantastic, and the night tour of the museum could've been better, the rooftop experience was quite amazing. We had a good time regardless.

It is not the venue, not the food, not the music -- It is about the company you keep.

I've been blessed with many great wonderful people who I can call friends. The fireworks was a celebration of yet another year of friendship between us.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2006!!