A moment

Bomb threats. High level security alert. Stay home alert.

Last weekend was spent partying till the sun warmed the blue sky. Alcohol and drugs. Most sinful things in life are good. I floated through days via random consciousness, between moments of visions and clarity. Life is good. Another soul appeared only to leave withiin days. A night of endless words. A meeting of searching souls. The heart satisfied, the body longed for more.

What is it I'm looking for?

Measuring the quality of your life

There is an Indonesian saying that goes,"Elephant dies leaving its tusks, people dies leaving a name."

How many of us actually think about how we will be remembered after we leave this world? How many of us actually think about the kind of legacy we leave our children? How many of us living life believing that there is a purpose in our existence? Fewer than you think. We go through life simply passing each stage hoping that the next one is easier, less painful. As egotistical creatures, we think of ourselves above everything else. No fame, nor fortune can really tell of the kind of life we live. The only true measure is after we die.

When RP passed away a couple of days ago, it went into front page of Jakarta's biggest broadsheet newspaper. He was a prominent person; instrumental in the development of a nation. But surely, the man must have done many things right when people actually lined up for hours to give their condolences to the family. I admired him. He was a man with vision, and faith and love. He helped me become the person that I am today through my education.

Everything in his life was a labour of love. With it, he touched many lives.. And he will live in many memories and continued to be remembered because of what he had done whilst living.

Facing adversity

A bomb blew up in Poso, Sulawesi. A distant land so far away it's hard to feel emotional about the event. Dysensitised. I'm not even sure I'm spelling it correctly. This country has had a fair share of bombs, terrorist attacks, natural disasters, corrupt government, etc. Anything.. you name it, and yet the people are still one of the loveliest in the world. With matural goodness and friendliness unimaginable.

As a nation, there is a culture of surrender and faith to a higher power and I think it's what makes this nation strong. Today is very much like that, too. One day away before a shoot and we were faced with uncertainty and so little time. There was finger pointing, resentment but at the end of the day, it's just about getting through another day. There'll be another shoot, another job, with another client. I tried to surrender and smile.. and then it got a little easier, one by one, one thing at a time.

I look absolutely shit. My dark circles around the eyes are beyond help of make up and I have to be up again in 4 hours. No, not just up. Up and functioning. Sigh. Red Bull and lots of Vitamin C I need.

May the Force be with me.

Staying sane

In the midst of stressful work environment, people deals with it differently. One particular director I'm working with now deals with it by doing two things: bitching about how things are supposed to be done (which mind you, only happens in utopia and hence, a job is NEVER done under ideal situation) and telling dirty jokes. Since all members of the team are male, except for me, the conversations can take very interesting turns. It is quite amazing the amount of innuendos that come possibly come on the most serious matter. Hearing it constantly for 12 working hours can be quite tiring, even if they're mostly funny. But since it's my director's way to deal with his stress - and keeping everyone's stress level minimal; I learned to shut my ears and IGNORE.

That's how I deal with my stress. Ignore what needed to be ignored.

Art

It is very easy to get bogged down by work. The reason why work is a paid occupancy is because you lose your calm, temper, and patience in dealing with its numerous aspects. For the last couple of days work has tried me too many times over; made me became the person I don't quite like. The damage is done though, all I can do now is look back and try to amend the mistakes I have made. It got to me.

But when I got home, and I played music and had a long hot shower everything began to have a different outlook. When I'm fresh I feel like I can take on anything. And reading poetry helps, too! I opened my copy of Federico Garcia Lorca and tried to read bilingually, even if I don't understand Spanish. I could pronounce it and by reading the English translation, the emotion came through. Amazing what great pieces of art can do to you as a person.

There is no right or wrong when it comes to art. It is unquantifiable by reason. What it does is evoke emotions and that is subjective to your own person.

Thank God for music. Thank God for poetry.