A Search for Meaning

When I was young and naive and had no idea about the real world, I was burnt with passion and ideals. I wanted to make the world a better place. I loved Michael Jackson's HEAL THE WORLD (... I still like the song, even if I think he's turning into a real freak who needs serious help) because I truly believed that everybody has to try to make the world a better place. Only to later discover that childhood innocence gets washed away by harsh realities of life; that economic demands and the act of survival comes before social responsibilities and ecological awareness. Like many others, I surrendered to apathy and ignorance and went on about my life.

When I go about my life in such a way, I feel a loss of purpose. I believe there is a reason for everything; there has to be a purpose for everything. I, too, must have a purpose. What is my calling?

I left my job in production and found another and another job that allowed more time for self-pondering, time wasting, searching for a purpose kinda thing. I tried to seriously start something I love and work on it. I thought that I when I have time on my side, the search will be easier and my purpose will come to me.

NO.

Things don't get easier. I constantly found myself having to justify what I do and why I do it. Funny how when you think you're trying to contribute something to humanity, life doesn't make it easy on you. You are trying to do good, and yet everything around you comes in your way, the things you love become stumbling blocks, despair and frustration creeps in... trying to lure you back into apathy and ignorance. At times, I never feel so alone.

This morning I was reminded that searching for your calling is not going to be an easy journey. The hardships are training us to be stronger than the problems, bigger than the obstacles. In facing these challenges we become the kind of people we are supposed to be. They are there to squeeze greatness out of us.