I want it to be RIGHT

I hate it when somebody says, "I don't have a choice. I have to do it." It's BS. Everybody has a choice. Most of the times when somebody says something like that, it really means that he/she doesn't have a choice that he/she likes, or is willing to do. If you think having to choose something that you don't like is hard, having to choose one out of two things you like is actually even harder.

• Make a list of pros and cons and see which comes with more pros. The results are equal.
• Which one do you want more? I want both.
• Which one brings you more money? They're equal.
• Which place do you like more? I like them both.

What you get in the end is people shrugging their shoulders, exasperated look on their face saying, "It's up to you. It's your call." Thanks.

The most difficult thing about having to choose one thing over another is, you want to be sure that you've chosen the right thing. They might both be good. But only one can be right. And you want to make THAT right decision which will lead to many more right things in our lives.

We often obsess about "getting it right". We like it when we won an argument. We like it when things work according to plan. But actually, right or wrong is relative. Life is too long of journey to be worrying about whether or not you're making the right move, meeting the right people, carrying the right purse, etc. It should be enough to believe in your instincts and make a right, and cherish the ups and downs that come down with that road.

After all, there is never a "right" experience. It's an experience.

Survival of the Fittest

About 2 weeks ago, The Minister of Information and Blabla (I don't even know the department's current title) released a new regulation about foreigners working within the commercial film industry. A new ruling will eventually phase out the numerous film crews working in this country and creating new opportunities for the locals.

There were pros and cons when the ruling came out; uncertainties and confusion filled the minds of many. Film directors, composers, editors, flame artists and many more. My friends who have fell in love with this country and the many benefits they have as foreigners. When this ruling is enforced many will have to flee Jakarta and go back to their country, or try their luck in other developing nations where the advertising industry is at its infancy and foreign talents are important to provide training and raise production standards. A mate of mine eloquently put it, "...Some of these people are in for a shock. Washing their own clothes, driving their own cars, having sex with women their own age.. it's gonna be ugly." It means a change of lifestyle. An abandonment of fully services environment provided by cheap labour and tons of domestic help; where everybody has at least one maid and maybe a driver.

Will the locals really benefit from this ruling though? Most people I've spoken to simply shake their heads. In the era of open market, why are we closing our doors and offer senseless protectionism? Is it a protection to ensure local growth or is it simply fear due to incompetence? I had been lucky to have worked with really great foreign crews; the standards I learned working in a foreign own production company is something I can easily apply in many parts of the world, because it is international standards. Foreign crews bring with them healthy working attitude and we can all learn from.

And I believe in survival of the fittest. Many local directors have risen up to the challenge and handle respectable brands with highly praised production standards. If you're good, you're good no matter what colour skin you are...

Eventually they will...

Patience. Endurance. Faith. Confidence.

It is useless to tell people what to do and how to do and why you should do things a certain way. Just because your passion brings you this far doesn't mean it gets to everyone else. You feel like you're carrying the load of the world on your shoulder and nothing you do can ever be good enough. Be kind to yourself. Be the bigger person. Do what you think is right and eventually things will sort themselves.

Big hugs to bad mood.

Advertising Moments

Why am I in advertising? I often asked that question when I feel weary and sick of the bull that goes around. The sucking up. The "marketing". The "arse-licking". But my few years in the industry have also brought me great experiences and plenty of opportunities. I wouldn't have traveled to China or Thailand otherwise. I wouldn't know so many cool people from all around the world. Advertising puts us in such a temporal world. Our life story is told within 30 seconds, and therefore in those fleeting seconds everything is intensified, hyperboled; a major roller coaster ride on e and acid joined together. Not that I know what's that like. Really.

With things that are happening of late, I tried to think long and hard about the decisions I needed to make. An attempt to be rational and wise, and more mature. All of the above failed. I've operated on "the moment" principles for far too long that it's difficult to shift gear and be a rational adult. Maybe it's just something about myself that I need to embrace; my strength as a human being -- to enjoy the brief moment of ecstacy and cross the bridge when I get there.

Someone very wise taught me that.

Confused??

Someone pointed out to me by reading my previous posts that I seemed very confused. Funny that, because although the previous post wasn't not making any sense -- it was a true reflection of my being at that moment and isn't that the whole point of documenting? Writing? Blogging?

Lots are going on at the moment; both in my professional and personal lives. There are numerous pathways with various roadworks leading to different moutains. Yes, mountains. And they needed climbing. I finished a long trekking session with my previous employment late last year and now I'm about to start on a different journey. At the same time, I'm being distracted by the open fields on my right which presented unlimited vista. To complicate matters even worse, I have to deal with my heart and what it wants, and the chances its taking.

I often forget about my heart. Most of the time it continues beeping, no matter how faint. I want it to beat strongly; to feel the light of day and the turn of the moon all the time. I want my heart to not worry and just sail the opean seas feeling secure, confident and content.

This post is a rambling nonsense. Maybe that person is right, I am confused.

You're my Inspiration

Somebody I knew 5 years ago suddenly sent me a text message a few days ago. A raincheck. We do that from time to time. Until he mentioned that in the 5 years we've known each other, we've only seen each other once. Which was the day period of time where we worked together. We clicked back then, when he was merely a film school student getting work experience and I was a PA starting out in the industry. We've gone a long way since then.

We met again last night. He's not as skinny a before. He looked a little older, a lot wiser. We were talking about everything and nothing when he said, "You inspired me." That shut me up immediately. He looked at me intensely. "I always admired your guts for life. Your whatever attitude and that daring I don't give a toss.." He told me that when he heard about my travels, he secretly made a promise to himself that one day he's going to be there as well. And the main reason that he really wanted to see me that night was to tell me that he's done it. He kept his promise to himself.

I didn't know what to say.

As I'm sitting here writing this post, my mind is thinking hard of the people who inspired me. My dad, my uncle, my ex boyfriend, my Performit gang, my team in the office, my ex boss, the list goes on and on. What I realised after last night was it didn't take very much to inspire others. We often think that we have to do something great like Gandhi, Mother Teresa, etc -- but truth of the matter is, to inspire is to touch other people's lives; to raise something within themselves that they don't know existed. I could inspire something even when I only met him once in five years... It must've been easier than I thought...

Itchy Feet

Unexpectedly my last schedule for the day is cancelled. The silly producer didn't realise that the material she was supposed to receive would be a finished one, and therefore she does not need our services at all. Sigh. And all the back and forth on such small amount of money. So here I am, at 6pm with nothing else to do. Well, that's not exactly true but something like that. All the other stuff can wait till tomorrow.

One of my housemate is away on business and the other is working the night away. What am I going to do alone at home? Another night with the desperate housewives? Or should I call a friend for coffee, or should I call my crush for a movie, or should I call another for a date? I've got itchy feet. Someone help me.

Workaholics

I always resent being called one. It's Easter weekend and I'm beginning to slowly believe that maybe, I am. Most people rejoice in the fact of having a full long weekend to themselves, to have quality time spent with friends and family. I rejoiced, too -- until one night came and I realised that I didn't know what to do with myself when I have no work. I have friends, family but I just don't feel like hanging out with them. Sad. PATHETIC. I know.

Apparently it's a common problem among us, the twenty somethings. We crave work and spent hours working to justify our existence as if we always have something to prove. I don't. I don't think so, at least. I work because I like it. And that's where it becomes dangerous. How does one draw the line of doing something out of love and doing something because it's the only way they can feel loved? Some kind of self-gratification? Again, I'd say that I belong in the first category but there are people out there who can not differentiate the two. Work can be some form of escapism; similar to that of a holiday, and other extra curriculer activities. It's oh so easy to blame work, use it as an excuse.

As one member of the twenty somethings club, I long for intelligent conversations, plenty of travels and worldly experiences. Work should be means to an end. I just have to be careful. The line is getting very blurred.