I am ... in 2006

Today is the last day of 2006. I still find it hard to believe that this year went by THAT quickly. Everything felt like a fleeting moment; like walking on water, like going through peak hour on the streets of HK.

I looked through my journals and blog to try to remember what 2006 is all about. Nothing much happened; nothing huge or significant. 2006 is a year of in between jobs, taking chances, and living a dream. In retrospect 2006 is more like a preparation for what comes next, be it career, love and relationships, and life in general.

There were moments where I lost vision of where I wanted to be. I confused common sense with adult maturity. For some time I was trying to become someone I was not; in the name of reponsibility and growing up. I had my heart broken. I had my trust betrayed. I doubted myself. I learned to love and let go, took a chance and lost, but learned a greater lesson of acceptance. I learned to give in and be totally honest with myself, even if it means hurting some people along the way.

September was a big month. It marked a renewal of spirit which lingers on to this very day as I'm ushering in the new year. The rest of the year after September went by like magic. It was in surrendering that things started to happen. Good things. Very good things. I am lucky. I am blessed and forever grateful for everything that had happened in 2006.

I have a good thing going... and I'm taking on 2007 with a big bang!!

More Crimson on My World

Those who are following this blog know my travel obsession. Therefore this updated world map of the places I've been would not be a new thing. It's just updated a little bit, giving me the extra push to keep on dreaming - that someday my whole world will be crimson coloured.



create your own visited country map

A LITTLE BIT OF HOPE

How well do you know someone before you can make a good judgement of character? If you happen to be wrong, is it a case of bad call? Or people simply change?

It has always been instinctive for me. I have a certain "people radar" that protects me from people -- It doesn't always pick up vibes from everyone, but rather it picks up bad vibes and warn me to be careful. It has been argued that the "radar" can be mistaken, especially when there is emotion involved. When it comes to love and relationship, the radar might not work as well for various reasons. It might worked and be ignored, or it might be giving wrong signals.

Recent break ups in various relationships in 2006 brought me to the questions above. When one is about to put one's heart at stake, is seemingly good character enough? Is our judgement good enough? Or do we need to seek validation from our closest ones? How much does validation from others influence our decision? When we are in love (... or at least think that we are) can we be trusted to judge someone else's character?

We'd like to think that our decisions to be with someone are informed decisions; made not under duress, cleared from the flowery mist of love. But good decisions don't always give a happy ending, more often than not there are tears and heart break. Unfortunately there is no easy answer for the many questions above.

Tears and heart break never fails to teach us something about other people. Pain and loneliness make us appreciate small acts of kindness from others. When people change, we learn to adapt and accept people for the way they are. Only when these things happened to us we can hope that we would be better judge of characters. That next time, it would be less painful and a little more easier.

We can only hope...
P.S. For my girls who are continuously searching for that little bit of hope..

Post Cristmas Blues

This morning I arrived back in Jakarta after spending 2 days in a small town of Magelang, Central Java. The sky was dark. Drops of rain were falling with constant speed accompanied by the cool breeze of the rainy season. It's christmas weather alright, and I'm still stuck in holiday mode.

Christmas is an annual tradition for my family, both from my mother and father's side. It becomes more important than ever this year since my grandmas are getting older and they become less and less social; the presence of their children and their children's children (... even if we don't really talk) is already a joy to them.

This Christmas, my two aunties are grandmothers themselves, and another auntie is expecting to be a grandmother in a few months. I watch as a new generation of my family is unfolding, the older one is retreating slowly. There are more reminiscing of the days when the children were young; sometimes memories get jumbled up and their comments turn silly. We laughed at them when events suddenly took a wrong chronological order and conversations almost always ended up in the latest trend in health supplements. We make fun of them being older.

My dad is the youngest in his family, and the possibility of him turning a grandfather is still miles away. Being a grandparent is like a milestone of old age. As I observed my aunties and uncles and how they are now that they're retired, I can't help imagining what my parents will be like when they reach that stage. I think being older is cool,.. when you're 30-40-50-60 but once you get to 60, I begin to think that it's not so cool anymore. And I can't help thinking of how my parents would feel 10 years down the road.

Stayin' Alive

MA came back from Sydney to spend Christmas with her family and also to catch up with her beloved school friends who's been with her since that fated day of her accident. She had came back to Jakarta twice since then and she's more alive than ever. I remember a night in Singapore when I received the phone call from her sister about her accident. MA was in a hospital with 78% 3rd degree burns on her body and nobody knew if she was going to live. Friends gathered together, signed cards, videotaped words of encouragements -- being there, giving her more reasons to live.

She said last night that she's sure that she was meant to live. In retrospect, it was a good thing that she just came out of the shower and wore nothing when the hot oil spilled all over her. If she had been wearing clothes, they would stick on her and it would've been more painful. She also said that now she's sure that no other pain could be worse than what she had gone through; she mentioned something about going through 10 child labour or something of that effect. 2 years after the accident, she could finally take off her body suit. Her skin has grown completely and it has a smooth surface; scarred all over but still a sucessful skin grafting procedure. She said that she hated the way her body looks, they way it has a funky temperature at times, but she's just happy that she's alive.

Last night we gathered once again, to celebrate the life we have and the friendship we keep, and to cherish time: the past, the present and the future.