Forgiveness

...through my best friend's wedding

I have not been writing for a while. Many things happening of late, but I've been lacking of angles. One of my favorite event last week was my best friend's wedding. Exactly 12 months ago, I was in the US for two (... not only one) of my best friends' weddings. Other than the hassle of finding the right dress, the pretty shoes and traveling to other countries, I actually love weddings. Especially when they belong to my best friends.

That Sunday afternoon in the church, Nic looked calm and beautiful and more importantly, she looked ready. I remember thinking how amazing it was that she finally stood at the altar with her man. I remember the many moments of heartbreak and heartache; of long telephone calls full of anger, gallons of tears and the many unpleasant past relationship stories.

As far as I could remember, Nic has always looked for a permanent fixture in her life. She wasn't like most of us, who enjoyed the courting, dating and the games with boys; she was pretty steady. Whenever she was in a relationship with someone, she always aimed for the grand finale. Not to say that she gets in a relationship thinking of marriage, but she definitely has that in mind as a destination. There were several times that I thought she would marry already; with the guy before her husband, and even the guy before that. Like I said, she went through heartbreaks and heart ached but continued living. Finally, last Sunday the grand finale arrived.

I guess what matters when you truly want to move on past bad relationships is to learn about forgiveness. And real forgiveness, I think, is about acceptance. To quote Allan Heinberg, "Letting go of the hurt feelings -- or more precisely the ego blows -- we experience when our lives -- and the people in our lives -- don’t behave the way we want them to. Which, let’s face it, is most of the time. But if we can somehow recognize and accept ourselves and others for who we are -- without judgment -- those “hurt feelings” fade away and are replaced by what feels a lot like forgiveness."

This post has come a long way from its opening; of my best friends' wedding. That wedding symbolised how far she has walked the relationship path; how much she learned about forgiveness, to able to set herself free to learn to love another person. Because really, you need to be all about love, to love.

On Leaving

She sat in the corner one seater couch. She was skinny and petite. There was a nervousness about her. It was early and the office was slowly filling up with people. “Hi… You must be A. You’re new? I’m Cynthia. Nice to meet you.” We shook hands and then I started the SBC tour. It was a few years later when we were at a friend’s BBQ that she held my hand with one hand and told me something in confidence. “I’m leaving. I’m leaving Jakarta for good.”

L: With certain people you just have a good connection and you don’t mind. Like with you. Like the first time I met you.
C: How did we meet again?
L: I still remember that day. It was my first job. The bike? There are 3 versions with different funky supers that constantly got revised.
C: Oh, I remember. It was nice. We were working together. I can’t believe now you’re leaving.
L: I still need to pack.
C: What time is your flight? Is anyone sending you to the airport?
L: No, I’m just going to take a cab. I don’t want anyone sending me.

A text from mum:
SS passed away earlier. He was to wed his son next week.

An email from CTN:
R’s dad just passed away. Thought you should know.

People leave. They leave town or they leave the world. For good. Forever. You get left behind. People come and go. The people I connect with, the places I go… I should be used to this. I don’t. Being left behind sucks. They haven’t left and I missed them already.

Another Saturday in J-Town

Those who follow this blog would get a glimpse of my frustration and realisation that there simply just isn't enough things to do in this town. An urban concrete with layers of tiny streets filled with people and cars, Jakarta offers few options of entertainment. However, a few days ago I was reminded how Jakarta can be a small melting pot for people. At a friend's BBQ (whom I also just beginning to get to know...) I met a bunch of interesting people, Indonesians who spent a number of years overseas, some expatriates working in this town. Everybody had different backgrounds from counselling psychologist, bankers, marketing people, security specialist, doctors, the list goes on. The party started in the afternoon and continued until dark skies enveloped our BBQ pit. Names registered, faces remembered and until next time.

Dec 7, 2007

My Melbourne house mate Marsha and her fiance, Claude visited end of last year. Here's some photos of our night out (since they were only here for a few days). The date is set for December 7, 2007. I'm excited. It's good to know when you'll be traveling again. It is for me. It will feel like going home. Once again.

MERRY NEW YEAR 2007

Stayin' Alive

MA came back from Sydney to spend Christmas with her family and also to catch up with her beloved school friends who's been with her since that fated day of her accident. She had came back to Jakarta twice since then and she's more alive than ever. I remember a night in Singapore when I received the phone call from her sister about her accident. MA was in a hospital with 78% 3rd degree burns on her body and nobody knew if she was going to live. Friends gathered together, signed cards, videotaped words of encouragements -- being there, giving her more reasons to live.

She said last night that she's sure that she was meant to live. In retrospect, it was a good thing that she just came out of the shower and wore nothing when the hot oil spilled all over her. If she had been wearing clothes, they would stick on her and it would've been more painful. She also said that now she's sure that no other pain could be worse than what she had gone through; she mentioned something about going through 10 child labour or something of that effect. 2 years after the accident, she could finally take off her body suit. Her skin has grown completely and it has a smooth surface; scarred all over but still a sucessful skin grafting procedure. She said that she hated the way her body looks, they way it has a funky temperature at times, but she's just happy that she's alive.

Last night we gathered once again, to celebrate the life we have and the friendship we keep, and to cherish time: the past, the present and the future.

Last weddings of 2006

December 13, 2006

Another bride, another groom, another sunny honeymoon, another season, another reason to makin' whoppe...

Last weekend I had the pleasure of once again jetsetting to another country for another wedding. In KL, Malaysia -- a small contigent from Jakarta attended a wedding of ex-colleagues of mine. No rain nor traffic jam could deter us from going; after all that was the only reason for me to be there. We had a great after party and the look on the couple's faces that night made you want to go, "ooooooooow... so sweeet..."

The next day, still hung over from the wedding of the night before I left for Bali for my best friend's wedding. A small affair in comparison to the 600 guests of the night before, and yet intimate and classy. The groom was acting goofy and being his usual silly self; a little too much that we refered to him as the 12 years old groom. The wife must be used to all his antics because despite his stupid acts, she stood there all smiling still marrying the guy. I love him dearly, but sometimes I wonder how she can stand him. After a while, the acts wear off a little and you can see a little love between the two. I didn't go gaga over them but I couldn't help uttering a little sigh of relief. He might be the 12 years old groom, but he was still the groom.

There's something about weddings outside Jakarta that I adore. It's the intimacy of the affair, because they're generally smaller in number (... yes even compared to the 600 guests of the KL wedding). One can't help feeling like your presence matters in sharing the couple's happiness. Three cheers for you people who got me jetsetting from one wedding to another this year! Sindy-Colin in LA, Sarah-Joe in Philly, Fatin-Shah in KLi!! Congratulations!! Best Wishes!! And whatever else you say to newy weds...

In as much as I love going to international weddings, I'm also kinda glad last weekend was the last wedding weekend I have to attend for a while..

LA is for happily ever after

I have said enough about LA, about the weather and a little bit about the wedding. Let the pictures speak a thousand words. Instead of having numbers on the tables, Sindy and Colin had keywords in three languages to mark them. Guess what ours was... We were on the friendship table. That's what you get for knowing each other for so long, and of course booking your overseas friends' 12 months in advance or in Sarah's case, making sure that her wedding is close enough to Sindy's so I can go, too. Friendships do that to people.

To Lose or To Gain

A very good mate of mine gets married today. We were there at the church and we are going to the reception tonight briefly, since England is playing its debut game on the World Cup tonight. When he walked down the aisle, the look of nervousness was on his face, his steps were small and slow as they walked to the tempo of Ave Maria, but he didn't falter and made it all the way to the altar for one of the most important moment in his life.

As I watched the ceremony my mind wandered to the days where we would hang out with the rest of the boys; of the silly nights filled with laughter and stupid jokes. Would I lose a friend to this marriage? I certainly hope not, for marriage brings you to the next level of your life and I can only hope that I gain a better friend, as loyal as before, more dependable than ever.

Congratulations mate!